Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
