I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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