His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think people are normalizing furries
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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