can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize