it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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