Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
