Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
sex in a hospital.. check
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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