I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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