If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We got so high we made milksteak
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
