You're my little dorito
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
