i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Don't make out with my wife yet
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
