Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i believe in u and ur pee
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
