Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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