I heard we made out
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
