# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
