i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
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I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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