end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
