Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The air was thick with penises
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
