hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
