chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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