remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize