you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
