Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
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He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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