what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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