yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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