birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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