Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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