So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Two words: nipple clamps
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