this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
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We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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