You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
