remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
