Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
