I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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