Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
