At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
