I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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