Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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