pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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