I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It all started with a game of naked twister.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
