I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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