these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
