you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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