Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
