i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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