Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
