yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize