I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.