I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS