He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
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Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
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Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa