No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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