I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
