1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?