Only a mothe r could love this liver
Did I show you my penis last night?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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