Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.