a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?