Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.