I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished