I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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