so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.