You just made me feel so damn special
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
