i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?