I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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