Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
