i don't like sucking hair
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
