im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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