the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
