My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
