I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
