I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
