New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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