so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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