420 ftw
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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