its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
