My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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